Inner Conflicts
by Amyom
Summary: An angsty look into the mind of Sailor Moon


Serena contemplates on her life and shows you there is more to her than an elaborate destiny and a cheerful grin. It's an in-depth look into the mind of the girl who has everything – except the one thing she wants more than anything in the world….

Inner Conflicts

A schoolgirl. A hero. A princess. And now a queen? Isn't it what most little girl's dream of? It's adventure, excitement and fame. It's romance and intrigue; it's glory and power. Doesn't it sound wonderful? Wouldn't you just love to be me?

Well go ahead, you can have it. But remember to think about the consequences. Let's look back on what I just said and change the wording a little.

It's an escapade, unrest and notoriety. It's romance and deception; it's affluence and command. I just said exactly the same thing, but it doesn't sound so great now does it?

Do you still think I'm being ungrateful? After all, it's not everyday a kid learns she can use real magic, shouldn't I count myself lucky? Here are the facts: I was fourteen years old when I found out I was the reincarnation of a magical superhero. I was just a little girl myself when the world landed on my shoulders. I could barely manage my own life and suddenly I was responsible for the entire planet. I fought evil wherever it arose, hiding my terror behind a thin veil of arrogance, petrified that each moment would be my last.

A fourteen-year-old child shouldn't have to fight for her life over and over. And as she lies down at night, she should never have to worry that she might never wake up. My nights—the nights when my enemies were quiet—were rarely restful. In fact, I've slept so little in these past years; I'm surprised I even have the energy to breath. I really don't know where I get the strength to go on.

I know what you're thinking. _Why are you complaining? You have everything. You're a Princess!_ If only life truly were the fairytale we all wish it were. If Sailor Moon was to be my only duty, I might have handled it, but suddenly I was a Princess too. I was the last heir to a kingdom a thousand years gone and forgotten by most. That's when people started to expect more of me… more than I could possibly hope to be. I was expected to become polite and demur, graceful and elegant, studious and sensible in the blink of an eye. When that didn't happen, I think everyone was a little disappointed in me.

All along I had questioned my own ability, but when my friends became dubious of my competence too…well I think something inside of me died that day. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not asking for your sympathy. I'm not putting on an act of 'The Reluctant Hero' to win your approval; I'm just trying to get you to take off the rose coloured glasses that blind most people to the truth.

Sailor Moon was famous almost overnight. Everyone loved the cocksure heroine with the gun-ho attitude. She was a great gift to this city, to the whole of the planet actually, and she was greatly adored. And rightly so, I might add. _So what's wrong with that?_ Right? That's just it, Sailor Moon earned that praise, and every time someone was in real danger they counted on her to take care of it.

But while Sailor Moon was a champion, I, Serena, was nothing. Oh I know I have plenty of friends, and I know they care deeply for me but this isn't about that; it's about trust. My friends trust Sailor Moon with their lives; they wouldn't trust me with a hamster.

Sailor Moon and I are the same person, so why do my friends (those who know this already) treat us like to completely different entities? Maybe that's my own fault…. To the public, Sailor Moon and little Serena couldn't be more unlike each other, but surly my friends would realise I don't need to wear a fuku to be reliable?

So what about Darien? I have him at least. I know that we are to marry one day. And I know we will have a beautiful daughter. Shouldn't that alone be enough for one person? In the end, isn't that what everyone desires? I have true love and I have the knowledge that it will last forever. When others fall in love it's a leap of faith about whether the other person feels the same and whether their love will last. Not for me, I've seen the future, and I know we will always be together. Sometimes, that's the hardest burden of all. I was a schoolgirl when I learned that I would never love anyone the way I love Darien. There are times when I wonder what I am missing.

At fourteen, I was effectively married with a daughter. I am a child, a hero, a princess and a wife and mother. I feel as though I have no control over my own life. My destiny is taking me where I _need_ to be. Just once, I'd like to be where I _want_ to be.

I want to stop lying.

I want to stop hiding.

But most of all, I want to be a normal teenager.


End file.
